Best Spam Ever

(via Gail Armstrong)



Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED MINISTER within 48 hours!

BE ORDAINED NOW!

As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!

WEDDINGS
MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!

FUNERALS
A very hard time for you and your family
Don’t settle for a minister you don’t know!
…

BAPTISMS
You can say “WELCOME TO THE WORLD! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!”
…

FORGIVENESS OF SINS
The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for centuries

**Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in sincerity and willingness to change for the better!

Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock

WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH??
After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation!

At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs. Right? … Since I know how much you want to help others, you’re going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100.00… Not even $50.00… You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95.

For only $29.95 you will receive:
1. 8-inch by 10-inch certificate in color, with gold seal
(Certificate professionally printed by an ink press)
2. Proof of Minister Certification in your name
3. Shipping is free

(No previous religious experience necessary!
Act now and get this CERTIFIED HOLY AND RUST-PROOF baptismal font as an ADDED BONUS!)

… My cities shall again overflow with prosperity; the will again comfort Zion and again choose The Horns and the Smiths And I looked up and saw four horns. I asked the angel who talked with me “What are These the horns that have scattered” and he answered me:
P. o. B. 1200 b, Oranges tad, Aruba